he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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