I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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