You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize