First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
