Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
