I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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