Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
