she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
