Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The adults are the big ones right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
