like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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