I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
