I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I want her autograph on my taint
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
