Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
