Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
