Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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