Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
