you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
