you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize