I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sober January is a disaster.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
