Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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