We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize