you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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