He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
