what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
