Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize