I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
