.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize