somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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