She is in my trunk
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
