dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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