Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
