You made me cry and you don't even care
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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