i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
