A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
