I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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