he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
