His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
