You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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