My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
