just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
