Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
