i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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