They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
