Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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