I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
