I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
