It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
