She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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