she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
