I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
