btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
