I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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