Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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