apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
