i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
