I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize