Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
home. puking in laundry basket.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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