You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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