Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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