I wish my penis had an off switch
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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