Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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