you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
