I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
