If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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