you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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