if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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