Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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