Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
