who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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