yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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